A day out to Lego land 
 
I was hoping you wouldn’t want to do this 
I was hoping you wouldn’t put me through this 
I was hoping that you’d see my pain 
I was hoping you’d find some refrain 
 
Seeing how it’s such a long drive 
Just to find some happiness and surprise 
It’s not that I mean to be judgmental 
But for our relationship this is detrimental 
 
Not so much that you’d get thrown in jail 
Kind of more like a minor betrayal 
And it’s only because I truly understand you 
That I’m trying not to seek to reprimand you 
 
Because inside I know how you feel 
And I know your feelings are real 
But it still doesn’t help me to breathe 
To be quite honest I wish we could leave 
 
NOTE: 
 
This is way too serious for what it was & I would be the first to admit it. Here I have tried to recapture the feelings of sadness, self pity, genuine pain, due to ill health and annoyance at the lack of support from my wife Samantha. 
 
The day out in question was on Monday the 6th June 2005. As a family we try to plan one big significant day out a month together. This was one of those days, only problem was I had been ill for about 3 days prior and steadily getting worse, so much so that an ambulance was sent out to me on the Sunday. I was on a strong dose of antibiotics – had no energy at all and generally felt like death warmed up. The night before Sam & discussed the pro’s and cons of going-not going. All the time I wanted her to say “we shouldn’t go you’re way too ill – I will tell the kids” (James our son & David Sam’s 7yr old brother) But it never happened neither of us wanted to be the one to let the kids down so off we trudged to Lego land Windsor. A 240 mile round trip followed by me walking around an amusement park. The least bit amused by the situation. It was a horrible day and at some point I snapped and said how I felt, which went down like a lead balloon. It wasn’t anything super serious I just felt let down that Sam didn’t take control of the situation and solve my dilemma. But like I said this is all too serious for what was in fact an average day in the life of an average family. And for my mind far too much self pity for to be healthy. Hey, I was hurting like fuck that day – you try coughing non stop for 5 days.,